So for the last couple of days, I’m going to be honest, I haven’t felt great emotionally. On the 6th January, it was the 1 year anniversary of my Nan’s death which made anything that happen on that day crap. For example, I had to go back to school… And to be honest everyone in my year was dreading it. My drama teacher (who is one of my favourite teachers) then upset me and it caused me to cry thinking about it when I got home. It was nothing bad; but he made a joke that was taken too far and it happened on the wrong day. But the only thing is now, (after my parents sent an e-mail to him and he was very apologetic to me) I feel like the good ‘teacher/pupil’ relationship that we had isn’t there anymore and he favours another pupil. I hate being jealous, but unfortunately I am.
My boyfriend has also had a sick bug about him for the last few days, and thats fine and I looked after him on Monday (on our inset day) but when we came back to school he has just been grumpy at me; this then cause me to get angry at him. That’s another thing, I am bad at controlling my anger or annoyance.
Everything has been building up inside of me, I feel unconfident about myself, but it’s hard to give myself confidence of which I give to others. I also feel unconfident with my role in the pants at school, I don’t mean I am un-happy with my role because I’m playing Tinkerbelle and I love that. But I just feel like what I am doing and how I’m acting it isn’t right :(
I love my drama and I’m not trying to be big headed, but I am one of the best actors in my class (which isn’t hard to be honest because about 80% of the class doesn’t try), and yet I feel I’m slipping. Also, with drama, I feel in my head I have to be the best. Not as an egotistical way, but I get very competitive and want to be the best, so I go hard on myself.
All of this has now resulted in me not looking forward to my birthday which is at the end of the month because I feel I don’t deserve for being mean to my boyfriend sometimes and disappointing people.
But what I was trying to say in this post is, when you feel upset, it’s ok that your upset, take some time to calm down and feel happy. Don’t punish yourself for feeling sad or angry because you’ll only feel worse. (Trust me, I know) And, always think, this doesn’t last a long time, yes you might feel on and of for a couple of days, but it will then end and won’t last forever.
I hope this post was ok.